I love this time of year, the cold weather, the snow, strings of lights glowing, baking, nostalgic songs, and extra family time. I look forward to this season all year because it is when I am least depressed…I love my family and spending time with them for the holidays.
This year is turning out to be a tough one but I am going to have a great season no matter what! Of course it is hard when I’m just so tired of fighting and worrying. Yeah, the ex-husband is still trying to control us. My attorney in the last court case (contempt filed against me out of the same need to control everyone) told me I have to get along with my ex and that even with the transcript of my ex’s demanding time with our daughter with no warning and outside his normal visitation times I would be found guilty of contempt for not letting him have his way. Fine…I have to grovel every time he speaks to me.
My lawyer said the fact that my ex doesn’t help our oldest daughter with college, even though in our state it is customary and would be upheld by a judge, I have to go to court again to ask for it. Dearest ex won’t offer her help unless she spends time with him…after he ignored her when she was suicidal…while he insists she is a lesbian because her best friend since 6th grade is. While he and his family are openly derisive about her chosen field of study and like to condescendingly call my family Mexican (like that’s a bad thing?) even though they know we are Basque?
Currently I am ditching my checking account because of fees and plan to open another one so I requested that ex to give me the money for the kid’s insurance in cash instead of a bank to bank transfer or to transfer it to my eldest daughter’s account so I can get the banking stuff set up again. That was 2 days ago…he doesn’t want to be bothered to drive to an atm so he has to “think” about it. Last I knew this man makes over $8000 a month and pays the 3 of us less than $2000 in alimony and child-support…and he didn’t bother to even wish our eldest a happy birthday this year because she didn’t cancel all her plans for her retired grandparents when they just decided they were going to come the 2 hr drive over to visit.
I’m tired of money being an issue that my ex controls (thus the possible job with autistic adults), I’m tired of BEING controlled, I’m tired of being forced by the fact that my ex can afford to take me to court for anything to bow to him, I’m tired of not being able to protect my children by law, I’m just so freaking tired of it all.
The most frustrating part is that he knows I won’t give up or walk away because I can’t while my youngest daughter is subject to visitation with him. I have 5 years left of dealing with him before I can choose my own battles…before my youngest leaves the nest for college. These are important years, years I need to make every memory I can before she has flown away…Just like the years when we were still married I have to overcome the negative presence of my ex and keep teaching, supporting, and loving my kids enough for two parents. I love them so very very much.